Reconciliation 101: Finding Christ in Conflict

NOTE OF APOLOGY: Before I begin this week’s missive, I need to apologize. Last week I used the word “schizophrenia” as a vernacular phrase instead of as its clinical meaning. I was politely but firmly reminded by some with loved ones who suffer mental illness that such language can be hurtful and minimizes the very real pain experienced by those who suffer and the families who love them. I want to convey my heartfelt apologies to any who were hurt by my insensitivity. I will be more careful with my words moving forward and encourage us all to use my short-comings as a writer to learn a lesson for our own choices with words (James 3:9-10).

Last week, in discussing conflict and reconciliation, I noted my own, personal resistance to engaging in conflict and my journey toward personal and professional growth in this area. I noted also that many, if not most, of our New Testament letters address issues that were creating conflict within our earliest Christian communities. As I reflect upon the notion of conflict in Christian communities, I marvel at how much more we are like the Apostolic Church than we give ourselves credit for! Without naming anyone in particular, I have visited many congregations within the two presbyteries during the last two years and have addressed issues creating conflict within 25% of the total number of our congregations.

At the Lombard-Mennonite training, one of the subjects we discussed was the difference between issues that can be negotiated to resolution versus issues that can be discussed but typically not negotiated versus issues that cannot be negotiated. Issues that can be negotiated include:

·         Behaviors such as sharing space, respecting boundaries, communicating about problems and following through on promises and responsibilities,

·         Processes regarding how decisions are made, rules followed and schedules observed,

·         Management of financial, accounting controls or maintenance of property.

Issues that can be discussed but typically not negotiated include:

·         Principles, values, personal style, emotions and perceptions (e.g. what “really happenend”).

Issues that cannot be negotiated include:

·               Addictive or abusive behaviors, issues requiring investigation of possible ethical or criminal breach.

Why are these distinctions important? These distinctions provide clarity of purpose. We can find resolution on certain things (e.g. behavioral expectations, processes, etc.) but must set clear, impermeable boundaries on other things (e.g. an ethical breach). We may desire, even passionately long for, resolution on conflicts over principles and perceptions, but such desire is typically not possible; our passionate longing for agreement on all things will remained unrequited. A more realistic goal is the cultivation of a spirituality of respect, the development of an ethos in which all parties learn to speak to truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

How about you? Is your church the shining city set on a hill when it comes to conversing about today’s difficult topics? In a season of political discontent, faithful conversation is needed that reflects the best practices of the Way of Jesus. May each of our congregations be that city set on a hill; others seeing in us the presence of Christ in our midst.

Journeying forward together,

Brad Munroe